On a moment to moment basis, a large portion of my mental bandwidth is spent worrying about the present moment being repeated into the future ad infinitum or figuring out how to replicate the present moment forever.
Examples range from my daughter’s coughing (will she ever stop?), to some new reading method (how do I apply this to every book I own?), or some classroom exercise that works (how do I do this all the time?) to a good day with my wife (can’t we do this all the time?).
These feelings are often distortions of a very real prayer: “Let your kingdom come, let your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”
My desire for positive sustainability is a yearning for eternity here on earth. I must say, a lot of times I’m glad God doesn’t give me what I want.
God has dealt with me a lot this year about my tendency for longing for the past, either in regret over what I failed to do or in longing to do again what I used to do. When I carry that tendency into the present, it’s like I’m in perpetual state of melancholy.
The reality is that this is always happening: “Therefore [Christ] is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.” (Hebrews 7:25)
I pray for a child’s faith to rejoice in that reality to know that because of Christ my Father gives bread and not stones. Because of Christ, I can live in true thankfulness: for when my daughter does stop coughing, for when I have a reading experience that proves fruitful, for when something I do in the classroom helps my students, and when I have a great day with my wife.