But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6
When I’m being proud, I never think to myself, “What I’m doing right now is prideful!” I remain unaware of it until later reflection.
Most often, my pride comes in the form of dismissive judgment of someone else: someone else’s self-care, theology, or (gulp) parenting.
The implication of my judgment is, “I’ve got it figured out. They don’t.”
Very rarely is this implication accompanied by a “thanks to the grace of God” tagline.
Instead, I’m implying that my good old-fashioned self-drive and self-determination has led me to take superior care of my body, soul, and child.
This pride is something, aptly, I’m not at all proud of.
There was a tiny fable I used to tell an awful lot when people would ask me about my first year of parenting.
I would say:
Imagine that you’re 80s action television character MacGyver. You’re inside a burning house and all you have to save the people inside are a piece of chewed bubblegum, a paper clip, and a match. The match seems particularly pointless. Won’t it just cause more fire?
In any case, you put your three junk-drawer-worthy items together, manage to extricate yourself and the people in need of help from the house just as it collapses and the credits role.
Whew! Another adventure navigated!
More than the victory of the moment, however, is the satisfaction that comes from knowing that if you should ever find yourself in that unfortunate situation again — a burning house with those three random objects — you’d be able to free yourself. You may not have the knowledge to get yourself out of any jam, but at least that particular one is taken care of!
In next week’s episode, you improbably find yourself — AGAIN! — in an ablaze house. Once again, you have lives depending on you. You must help them escape! Additionally, you have the same three items you had the week before: a used piece of Juicy Fruit, a paper clip, and a match.
And yet…you can’t seem to replicate your effort from the week before.
Did the paper clip attach to the gum and then the match did something to both of them?
How was the gum involved again?
What did the match do?
The credits roll with you still inside the home. It’s a thrilling two-parter, you guess, because there’s no way you are figuring out this puzzle in the confines of this single episode.
What happened?!?
You had made the items work last week!
Why aren’t they working now?
Over and over again, I had the experience of thinking I’d figured out some hidden principle or rule of child care, a way of playing with my daughter that always calmed her down or a way of setting her in the bed that resulted in her instantaneous sleep.
Yes, I found some things that worked well and may have enjoyed 80% success rates.
But those methods were often more about securing my peace of mind.
I knew I was in trouble every time I tried to give my wife instructions for how to do something. I very quickly realized that the rules I had made weren’t full-proof or exclusive. My wife had found perfectly acceptable ways of putting our daughter to sleep, calming down one of her fits, or playing with her in such a way as to keep her stimulated and calm.
The truth is that much of my life is built on mastery. I’ve got a doctorate in my area of specialization (English Literature), and I’ve always been able to demonstrate intellectual and physical skill. I was always a good test taker and an above average employee, not to mention a straight-A student.
But because these skills came to me relatively easily, I lacked the requisite humility when it came to the most important kinds of skills: discipleship, being a good husband and father, and teaching students how to read and write well.
I Peter 1:16 reminds us that God wants us to be holy.
When’s the last day I pulled that off for a 24-hour period?
Never.
To refer to my MacGyver analogy, I need to recognize that the fact that I got out of the house once was sheer grace. If I was blessed enough to discover a replicable means of escape, that was doubly gracious!
This post is a way of putting into writing what I need to be constantly reminded of: God gives grace to the humble, not the proud.
God, I need your help! Help me to be a better disciple, husband, father, and teacher! Help me to know how much I need your help! Thank you for your grace!