“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15
When my daughter is misbehaving— like she had today — she’ll often say, “I can’t help it!”
From a five-year-old, that’s difficult to argue with. You can imagine the exchange.
“Yes, you can!”
“No, I can’t!”
We can certainly make individual interventions. Today, she was upset about how her coloring was going. When we told her to calm down, she told us she couldn’t. My wife wisely pointed out that our daughter managed to keep her emotions in check when coloring at school. We had never heard her teachers say that she couldn’t calm down when coloring. That kept her quiet for a while.
The thing that struck me as I reflected on this dilemma today is that my daughter has a theological point in saying she can’t help it, although it’s one that she probably doesn’t realize.
What she’s testifying to is that she needs God’s help if she’s going to control her emotions. It’s not something she’s going to be able to do on her own…and least not for the right reason. She may be able to keep quiet if she thinks it will cost her cartoons that afternoon or dessert that evening, but she won’t know how and why losing her mind over a colored picture of a dog is unwise.
In his letter to the Romans, Paul talks about the feeling of wanting to do the right thing and not being able to do it. He says it’s hard to understand what he’s doing.
I feel that way sometimes with my parenting. Even as I thought about our daughter’s claim that she couldn’t help acting up, I wondered what my excuse was when I was impatient with or dismissive of her.
At least I know that I can’t do it myself. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit to be the kind of parent I need to be. If saying “I can’t help it” is a way of acknowledging my need for God’s help, then it’s worth admitting.